Question of the Every Other Day, 7-8-06

Question: What should America do about the ongoing North Korea crisis?

Answer:
In order to save this country there is only one answer that makes sense: do nothing. The United States must not worry about confirmed nuclear powers with crazy leaders who starve their own people. The world must know that America will stand idly by and wait for a nuclear missile to be randomly launched. The world must know that America will stand idly by as countries test missiles with no forewarning of their trajectory and expected point of impact. The world must know that America will take no diplomatic actions by themselves, but will instead wait for a few other countries whom don't like us to join us in signing a piece of paper.

We must remember that this is America. We refuse to invade countries simply because a country refuses to follow resolution after resolution. We will not invade or sanction countries that have tyrannical leaders. We will not invade or sanction countries that kill their own people. We will not invade or sanction countries that starve their own people. We will not invade or sanction countries that jail their citizens wrongly. We will invade countries if they try to kill our Daddy, though. And know this, North Korea, if you ever, ever try to harm any of our president's fathers, the crap's going to hit the fan.

America needs to let the world know that we have no fears about a nuclear attack. We have missiles to protect against that sort of thing. And if that stupid Congress in the 1980's would've appropriated funds for it, we could have lightsabers in space, thanks to Ronald Reagan. But, enough dwelling on the past; we have the ability to shoot that missile down. The rest of the world, well, hey...good luck.

We must fight against the North Koreans in a way that makes the entire world feel safe, by sitting back and hoping we get to see the fireworks show, and not be the fireworks show. We must remember our American ideals, to preserve freedom throughout the world, and safety here at home. North Korea provides a threat to neither of these (well, unless you discount almost hitting Japan, the premier democracy in the east, and almost hitting Russia, a burgeoning democracy after a brutal Soviet government).

Besides, who could be scared of this guy?