The wretched day has befallen us, citizens. We are about to see the largest crime hike of any day in the year. Proof that the youth is being corrupted.
Tonight is the night of being threatened and extorted. No, the mob has not disappeared from the racketeering scene, it has merely begun to go unnoticed. Rather than attacking businesses, they attack private homes. Rather than dressed in cool leather jackets with New York accents, they dawn the voice of children and wear masks so no one can know their true identity. The night I'm talking about, ladies and gentleman, is Halloween.
Yes, this supposed day of fun and laughter is nothing more than an elaborate extortion racket. Worse than big business, little children are indoctrinated and sent out by parents to give a victim an ultimatum: trick or treat. The not so vague statement lets the unsuspecting victim know the child's intentions: give me a treat, or you'll get a trick. The trick often comes in the worst form of crime, no less, vandalism of public property.
And to you parents out there, what kind of sick freaks are you? Is it that embarrassing to go buy candy yourself that you have to send your child out in a disguise to get some for you? Are these the values you want your children to learn? Give me what I want or suffer the consequences? In my view, the parents allowing this should be locked up or have their children taken away from them...permanently.
We must stop this perversion of our youth, America! I, for one, will stand up, hold my head high, and refuse to give candy to these misled youths who have been turned into cretins. I have no fear of the consequences. Sacrificing my morals would be the biggest consequence of any. I urge you to unite with me, faithful citizens, as we say to the children of this great nation "We will not be intimidated!"
October 31, 2006
A weak immune system: proof God hates you
From what I recall, Jesus never had a sick. Okay, sure God was okay with putting him on a crucifix, but even God knows being sick is something reserved for the people he can't stand. The worst people on God's green earth not only get sick, but get them after multiple vaccinations to protect against any sickness that may arise.
Yes, it appears there is no vaccination for God's divine plan of making your life miserable. Somewhere along the line, you screwed up. Maybe it was that evil eye you gave to the charming boy you sat next to in statistics class. Perhaps, just perhaps, its that you don't send letters. Or, maybe its any plethora of other reasons. The point is, God's ticked at you, and he will be for a very long time.
I can only imagine how the real guy John Travolta played in the hit TV film "Boy in the Plastic Bubble" made God mad. He probably gave his mom super bad morning sickness. Whatever the case may be, God obviously hated that kid.
It's simply a fact that a weak immune system means somewhere along your genetic line, God began to hate your family. But don't blame it all on genetics. Remember from science class kids: genes have both recessive and dominant sides, and you too can overcome your supposed imperfections if you get the right DNA make-up. So, since that is entirely possible, there is only one logical conclusion: God made you the way you are because you somehow made God very angry.
Now, I think it's important to define just what constitutes a weak immune system. If you get the flu, God probably doesn't hate you. If he does, it's on a very minimal scale. If you get the flu every year, however, even after vaccinations, God probably doesn't like you. Further, if you get some sort of major life-threatening disease more than once in 10 years, God probably doesn't like you (more than once in 5 years and you must be working for the devil).
But how do you know when God likes you, since all of us experience some sort of sickness in our lives, you ask? Well, it's very simple. If you've been blessed with a fever that makes you hallucinate, God loves you. He loves you enough to make you not only get out of school/work, forget your sick, but to also have a great time while being sick. Also, if you get to cough up big phlegm balls (instead of those annoying dry coughs) God probably loves you (He not only lets you literally spit out your sickness, but let's you have a "tasty" time doing so).
Remember, before you get a vaccine, you should really think about whether or not you'd like to know if God doesn't like you. If the answer is no, you wouldn't like to know, opt out of the vaccine and take your chances getting sick. At least that way you can blame it on a live set of bacterium. And now you know
Yes, it appears there is no vaccination for God's divine plan of making your life miserable. Somewhere along the line, you screwed up. Maybe it was that evil eye you gave to the charming boy you sat next to in statistics class. Perhaps, just perhaps, its that you don't send letters. Or, maybe its any plethora of other reasons. The point is, God's ticked at you, and he will be for a very long time.
I can only imagine how the real guy John Travolta played in the hit TV film "Boy in the Plastic Bubble" made God mad. He probably gave his mom super bad morning sickness. Whatever the case may be, God obviously hated that kid.
It's simply a fact that a weak immune system means somewhere along your genetic line, God began to hate your family. But don't blame it all on genetics. Remember from science class kids: genes have both recessive and dominant sides, and you too can overcome your supposed imperfections if you get the right DNA make-up. So, since that is entirely possible, there is only one logical conclusion: God made you the way you are because you somehow made God very angry.
Now, I think it's important to define just what constitutes a weak immune system. If you get the flu, God probably doesn't hate you. If he does, it's on a very minimal scale. If you get the flu every year, however, even after vaccinations, God probably doesn't like you. Further, if you get some sort of major life-threatening disease more than once in 10 years, God probably doesn't like you (more than once in 5 years and you must be working for the devil).
But how do you know when God likes you, since all of us experience some sort of sickness in our lives, you ask? Well, it's very simple. If you've been blessed with a fever that makes you hallucinate, God loves you. He loves you enough to make you not only get out of school/work, forget your sick, but to also have a great time while being sick. Also, if you get to cough up big phlegm balls (instead of those annoying dry coughs) God probably loves you (He not only lets you literally spit out your sickness, but let's you have a "tasty" time doing so).
Remember, before you get a vaccine, you should really think about whether or not you'd like to know if God doesn't like you. If the answer is no, you wouldn't like to know, opt out of the vaccine and take your chances getting sick. At least that way you can blame it on a live set of bacterium. And now you know
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