So, I'm looking through the Washington Post online the other day and come across this article. I can't wait for this generation to die, I want my money! I'm going to be "rich biotch!" *honk honk*
I also can't wait for the old people to die off so we can have way less people clogging up America. This baby-boomer generation is going to make social security go bankrupt, so come on privatization. All I need is to compete with some 70+ year old woman trying to get my hands on some retirement money. Move out of my way old lady, money is in my future!
I will feel bad for the good folks at Geritol once the old people are gone, however. But, young people rejoice! Old person smell will officially be gone, until we're old of course. But I think we'll smell like roses, instead of like butt.
I really hope no one cures aging during my lifetime. All I need is a bunch of rich people living to be 700. Who do you think you are, Abraham? Shut up and die already.
To some this might sound harsh. Truth be told, I just want my money, alright? I can't wait for this transfer of wealth. I think I might get plastic surgery on my hand, goodbye palm, hello cash register!
July 26, 2006
July 25, 2006
Question of the Week 7-25-06
Question: What are your guilty pleasures?
Answers:
I have numerous guilty pleasures, but guilty is sort of a dirty word. I prefer to use the term "pleasures i'd be satisfied if no one knew about them". But thats long, so I've got to think of a new phrase. Maybe instead of guilty i could use "no contest pleasures"? Well, at any rate...
I guess my first guilty pleasure is listening to Justin Timberlake. Well, that and singing his songs. At the risk of sounding extra-fruity, I love listening to his music. I think I personally hit the notes better than he does, but I won't argue with him too much on that. I can't wait for his new album to come out. Hopefully it will come out around the same time as the Clipse's new album, so I only have to make one trip to the store. I guess I'm lazy, but whatever.
I'm also really into The Real World. This season I'm mostly into it because of Svetlana, the hot Jewish girl, but most of the time I'm also into the stories. I wish I could experience "The Real World", you know, living in a mansion with easy jobs and partying every night with hot women. Plus it'd be cool to be able to say to some people on the phone "Oh, _____ I've gotta go, one of my 6 roommates wants to use the phone. Yeah, well he/she really wants to use it. Nope, sorry ______ I've gotta go. (Hanging up phone) Okay, you too. Yep, okay, bye". It's like the perfect excuse to get away from a person on the phone.
Tennis. I love playing tennis. I put this as a guilty pleasure because I like it almost too much, and I really suck at playing. But, sucking is relative. Can I beat Serena Williams? Well, probably, she's a girl, and girls suck at sports. But could I beat Agassi? I don't know, probably not, but he's getting old. I could probably beat Nadal on grass, but on clay I'd be screwed. My biggest competition is probably Federer or Blake, but I'll just hit a ball really hard at Blake's neck, that'll teach him (I don't expect most of you to get that joke, so don't worry).
Bumps on noses, and big noses. They're soo hot. Sometimes I accidentally stare at people too long if they have a nice nose, and this tends to be embarassing. I'm sure they feel uncomfortable as well, since many people get made fun of for having a bump on their nose or a really big nose. But, ladies, if you catch me staring at your big/bumped nose, don't fret; you're hot. Don't be afraid to smile slyly, come up to me, put your nose right in front of my eyes and say "you like what you see?" That would be hot. Okay, it'd be weird, but some people are into weirder things. I wonder what Emily's up to?
Going to get my hair cut. I love it. It's scary how much I enjoy it. I don't care if anyone hot cuts my hair, either. I just enjoy getting my hair cut. Aren't the sounds of scissors slicing through your hard-grown hair just beautiful? Plus, if you get a shampoo with the hair cut, you will have an amazing time. Some of those shampooers put Korean pedicurists to shame. And their shampoo always smells so nice. If you haven't ever gotten your hair cut, you've gotta do it. It will change your life, trust me.
Vin Diesel. His acting blows, but how cool does he sound? If I were a celebrity I'd be Vin Diesel. Just that name screams "I could've been a pornstar, but I have morals!" Plus I read somewhere that Vin Diesel almost killed Chuck Norris, which is quite a feat indeed.
Almost any religious history. It's just interesting. Especially when you hear something that contradicts what you've always been told, and it actually makes sense. Let me tell you, when I heard that Abraham and Moses were from a "Warrior" class I was shocked. Now I get why they got Chuck Heston to play Moses. (Moses to Pharoahe): Let my people go [fires warning shots from uzi]
If I think of any other guilty pleasures I'll let ya know. E-mail your guilty pleasures to free.utah@gmail.com
Answers:
I have numerous guilty pleasures, but guilty is sort of a dirty word. I prefer to use the term "pleasures i'd be satisfied if no one knew about them". But thats long, so I've got to think of a new phrase. Maybe instead of guilty i could use "no contest pleasures"? Well, at any rate...
I guess my first guilty pleasure is listening to Justin Timberlake. Well, that and singing his songs. At the risk of sounding extra-fruity, I love listening to his music. I think I personally hit the notes better than he does, but I won't argue with him too much on that. I can't wait for his new album to come out. Hopefully it will come out around the same time as the Clipse's new album, so I only have to make one trip to the store. I guess I'm lazy, but whatever.
I'm also really into The Real World. This season I'm mostly into it because of Svetlana, the hot Jewish girl, but most of the time I'm also into the stories. I wish I could experience "The Real World", you know, living in a mansion with easy jobs and partying every night with hot women. Plus it'd be cool to be able to say to some people on the phone "Oh, _____ I've gotta go, one of my 6 roommates wants to use the phone. Yeah, well he/she really wants to use it. Nope, sorry ______ I've gotta go. (Hanging up phone) Okay, you too. Yep, okay, bye". It's like the perfect excuse to get away from a person on the phone.
Tennis. I love playing tennis. I put this as a guilty pleasure because I like it almost too much, and I really suck at playing. But, sucking is relative. Can I beat Serena Williams? Well, probably, she's a girl, and girls suck at sports. But could I beat Agassi? I don't know, probably not, but he's getting old. I could probably beat Nadal on grass, but on clay I'd be screwed. My biggest competition is probably Federer or Blake, but I'll just hit a ball really hard at Blake's neck, that'll teach him (I don't expect most of you to get that joke, so don't worry).
Bumps on noses, and big noses. They're soo hot. Sometimes I accidentally stare at people too long if they have a nice nose, and this tends to be embarassing. I'm sure they feel uncomfortable as well, since many people get made fun of for having a bump on their nose or a really big nose. But, ladies, if you catch me staring at your big/bumped nose, don't fret; you're hot. Don't be afraid to smile slyly, come up to me, put your nose right in front of my eyes and say "you like what you see?" That would be hot. Okay, it'd be weird, but some people are into weirder things. I wonder what Emily's up to?
Going to get my hair cut. I love it. It's scary how much I enjoy it. I don't care if anyone hot cuts my hair, either. I just enjoy getting my hair cut. Aren't the sounds of scissors slicing through your hard-grown hair just beautiful? Plus, if you get a shampoo with the hair cut, you will have an amazing time. Some of those shampooers put Korean pedicurists to shame. And their shampoo always smells so nice. If you haven't ever gotten your hair cut, you've gotta do it. It will change your life, trust me.
Vin Diesel. His acting blows, but how cool does he sound? If I were a celebrity I'd be Vin Diesel. Just that name screams "I could've been a pornstar, but I have morals!" Plus I read somewhere that Vin Diesel almost killed Chuck Norris, which is quite a feat indeed.
Almost any religious history. It's just interesting. Especially when you hear something that contradicts what you've always been told, and it actually makes sense. Let me tell you, when I heard that Abraham and Moses were from a "Warrior" class I was shocked. Now I get why they got Chuck Heston to play Moses. (Moses to Pharoahe): Let my people go [fires warning shots from uzi]
If I think of any other guilty pleasures I'll let ya know. E-mail your guilty pleasures to free.utah@gmail.com
July 24, 2006
The facts are solid
It should first be noted, before I begin this treatise, that I am in no way a sexist. If anyone is sexist, it's God, since He made men way more intelligent and physically sound than women. So, in the words of Brother Krikava, don't blame me, blame Jesus.
Women certainly engage in a weird way when compared to men. They seem to be quite emotional, as evidenced by any number of songs. It's unbelievably hard to tell a woman she's annoying, or an idiot, for example, and not have her blow up at you for saying so, even when she is, in fact, acting like an idiot. They often preface a conversation as such, "Oh, you can just tell me the truth, I won't get upset". Men, this is a trap, don't fall for it. If a woman says you can tell her the truth she is really saying "Lie your butt off to me and tell me I'm the most beautiful woman in the world, or else!" Once you tell a woman the truth, count on not being happy for a while, or possibly not hanging out with her anymore.
If you are able to hang out with her, and eventually want to go on a date, I wish you luck. Women often like to say they're "dating" you. In woman speak this means she is letting you take her out and pay for all of the meals and expensive things, and she'll think about kissing you, just like she'll think about kissing the other guy she's "dating". This doesn't constitute cheating, however, since it was known from the outset that you two were "just dating". Of course, to us men that means we're paying for everything, and we're therefore going out as a monogamous couple. Women will try to say you're being ignorant, that you're jealous, or they just "need some space" once you've entered the poor house and have run out of "spontaneous" ideas like making candles together or paying $150 for a meal.
Women also will never get the idea that they're not necessarily the center of their guy friend's unvierse, and that not every guy that is friends with them likes them simply because he's nice to her. Some guys are just nice. Some guys might even think you're attractive, and like flirting, but don't want anything more. Some guy friends do want to date you, this is true, but not all of them. The law of averages says that while some will want to date you, more will want to just be friends. It's okay. That doesn't mean you're ugly, or that you're boring, you're just not his type. Of course, it's a little perplexing as to why you're upset at not being romantically interesting to your friend, since you don't feel that way about him, either, even though you act the same way he does when you're with him.
Women, furthermore, do not need to shop so much. Women go out sometimes just to "window shop", as if looking at things you'll never be able to buy is fun. It's depressing to realize you're poor, and, yet, women don't understand this concept. It would be understandable if you plan on going back to get the item; but you don't. A fun day with a woman is going to look at clothes for 3 hours, possibly walking around a mall looking at nothing for 3 hours, or talking on the phone about clothes, the mall, or any other number of topics for 3 hours. And do I know where I came up with this 3 hour thing? No, but tell me you spend more than 3 hours with someone and actually enjoy it.
Lastly, why are women always eating, or talking about eating? Honestly, what's the point. Food isn't even that interesting. Cake is okay, but at a certain point even I get bored of cake. Women can apparently, talk about cake while eating cake. Women wish they lived in France when Marie Antoinette was alive. And it's always cake or ice cream. You can even gauge a woman's mood by what they have. Cake is good, ice cream is bad. I've never understood this, but I've done extensive research to prove it's validity.
That's it. I'm sure there's more to talk about involving women, so I'll do a part two. I'll also do one about guys if there's a need for it. Adios.
Women certainly engage in a weird way when compared to men. They seem to be quite emotional, as evidenced by any number of songs. It's unbelievably hard to tell a woman she's annoying, or an idiot, for example, and not have her blow up at you for saying so, even when she is, in fact, acting like an idiot. They often preface a conversation as such, "Oh, you can just tell me the truth, I won't get upset". Men, this is a trap, don't fall for it. If a woman says you can tell her the truth she is really saying "Lie your butt off to me and tell me I'm the most beautiful woman in the world, or else!" Once you tell a woman the truth, count on not being happy for a while, or possibly not hanging out with her anymore.
If you are able to hang out with her, and eventually want to go on a date, I wish you luck. Women often like to say they're "dating" you. In woman speak this means she is letting you take her out and pay for all of the meals and expensive things, and she'll think about kissing you, just like she'll think about kissing the other guy she's "dating". This doesn't constitute cheating, however, since it was known from the outset that you two were "just dating". Of course, to us men that means we're paying for everything, and we're therefore going out as a monogamous couple. Women will try to say you're being ignorant, that you're jealous, or they just "need some space" once you've entered the poor house and have run out of "spontaneous" ideas like making candles together or paying $150 for a meal.
Women also will never get the idea that they're not necessarily the center of their guy friend's unvierse, and that not every guy that is friends with them likes them simply because he's nice to her. Some guys are just nice. Some guys might even think you're attractive, and like flirting, but don't want anything more. Some guy friends do want to date you, this is true, but not all of them. The law of averages says that while some will want to date you, more will want to just be friends. It's okay. That doesn't mean you're ugly, or that you're boring, you're just not his type. Of course, it's a little perplexing as to why you're upset at not being romantically interesting to your friend, since you don't feel that way about him, either, even though you act the same way he does when you're with him.
Women, furthermore, do not need to shop so much. Women go out sometimes just to "window shop", as if looking at things you'll never be able to buy is fun. It's depressing to realize you're poor, and, yet, women don't understand this concept. It would be understandable if you plan on going back to get the item; but you don't. A fun day with a woman is going to look at clothes for 3 hours, possibly walking around a mall looking at nothing for 3 hours, or talking on the phone about clothes, the mall, or any other number of topics for 3 hours. And do I know where I came up with this 3 hour thing? No, but tell me you spend more than 3 hours with someone and actually enjoy it.
Lastly, why are women always eating, or talking about eating? Honestly, what's the point. Food isn't even that interesting. Cake is okay, but at a certain point even I get bored of cake. Women can apparently, talk about cake while eating cake. Women wish they lived in France when Marie Antoinette was alive. And it's always cake or ice cream. You can even gauge a woman's mood by what they have. Cake is good, ice cream is bad. I've never understood this, but I've done extensive research to prove it's validity.
That's it. I'm sure there's more to talk about involving women, so I'll do a part two. I'll also do one about guys if there's a need for it. Adios.
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