Dialogue 8: Me and God

Since this might get confusing with two G's, I've put Me as M, and God as G. Although I think it was selfish of God to not give me the G, but whatever

M: Hey God, I've got a suggestion for you
G: Really? Not a concern or question, but a suggestion? This is new
M: Right.... So anyways, I was thinking maybe its time to thin the population out a little
G: You're telling me I should kill people?
M: Look, read into it however you'd like. I'm just saying, today I was standing on the MAX, and I felt a little cramped, that's all. It was sort of intrusive
G: So I should kill tons of people because you felt uncomfortable on a train? Take a freakin' car
M: Are you kidding me? Have you seen those traffic jams?! Plus, when was the last time the MAX crashed and people died? Well, except for that one idiot that was on the tracks
G: Yeah, he was an idiot. I was obviously drinking a little when I made that kid
M: Well I'd say so. He stood on the tracks after horns and lights were going. What a n00b. Wait...I see what you're doing! You can't trick me. Get to thinning out the population
G: Garrett, I'm not going to kill people just because someone was a couple inches from you
M: Well, they were a couple feet away, but they gave me this look too. I think he was undressing me with his eyes. Besides, I never said anything about killing people. Can you just make interplanetary living possible? Then maybe load people up on spaceships to live there?
G: I made this planet inhabitable and that's it. I chose this planet and these people
M: Fine, I'll have to make my own planet
G: You know what Garrett, you think you're me
M: Well, I have to model myself after somebody. Hey, so how did you get that cushy job anyways? Did your parents know someone high in the Metaphysical hierarchy
G: What do you mean, I'm as high up as it gets
M: Suuurrre [winks]. I see what you're saying
G: No, I'm serious
M: Really, because I have a Scientific American article right here that says there are numerous other dimensions, thereby increasing exponentially the possibility of other life forms on other planets. Since you just said we're the only life forms on the only inhabitable planet that you if we find life, we can thereby assume that there's another God
G: Umm...Well science is of the devil anyways. So of course it'd say that [Begins sweating and grabbing at non-matter collar]
M: Right. But even the devil can tell the truth. I'm not saying I'm pro-devil, don't get me wrong, I just think even the devil can be right once in a while
G: Oh, I'm sure!
M: Hey, if my dad can be right sometimes, anything is possible
G: Well the Devil isn't right!
M: Well, you sort of have a bias now, wouldn't you say so?
G: What are you implying?
M: Oh, nothing. All I'm saying is, maybe, you know, you just sort of don't want to be proven wrong. You know, Pride is one of your seven deadly sins
G: This isn't pride! The Devil's wrong, I'm right!
M: I can show you the evidence for other dimensions and possible life forms if -
G: NO! I'm right, that's it
M: Oh, now you're just being a brat. Look, I remember the first time I was wrong too, it was tough. But, if there's one thing I've learned from you, the impossible is almost always possible
G: Not if I say it's impossible
M: Oh, but then it's extremely impossible. The more impossible it becomes the more possible it actually becomes
G: That doesn't even make any sense
M: Doesn't it? Maybe it's just too complex for you to have it make sense. Maybe if I talk to those other life forms in those other dimensions it'll make sense
G: Maybe it would...Wait! It wouldn't, because they don't exist!
M: Really? Because you just said maybe what I just said would make sense to them
G: Well, sometimes I zone off and just say things to keep the conversation going
M: Right, sure.
G: No, I mean it
M: Oh no, I believe you. I totally believe you. Yeah, you know, it's not a Freudian slip or anything. No, it's just you zoning off. Yeah, that's it. That definitely makes the most logical sense. Yeah, God, the ruler of Heaven and Earth, just happened to zone off at that point in the conversation when I question his legitimacy to Power. Yeah, I completely think you zoned off. Yep...
G: You know what? You...You're not a very nice person
M: Being mean doesn't mean being incorrect you know. You've been pretty mean to people
G: Like who?
M: You let pagans kill your son! You don't call that borderline mean?
G: I told him to clean his room or else! Maybe next time he'll do what I say
M: Mmm-hmm. Look, I know this great psychologist that can help you with these problems with rage
G: I don't need a freaking psychologist, OKAY?! I need you to shut it, stop questioning my all-Powerfulness, and to stop being such a smart-alec
M: I can tell you need to maybe go punch something. This time though you want to not cause a tidal wave like last time we talked? Maybe you should get an Everlast heavy bag or something, maybe find positive or less harmful ways to let out anger
G: Just...Go. ME!