Question of the Every Other Day, 7-6-06

Question: What has outsourcing done for America?

Answer:
Everything. Let's go over how awesome outsourcing is for the American people. I recently bought an entire bag of socks for 4 bucks. 4 BUCKS! Now, if Americans had made those socks, with all of our intrusive and fascist labor laws and "Minimum Wage" oppression against big business, I wouldn't have been able to get those socks for so cheap. I don't mind making a few American families go without food for months on end, personally, as long as I get my 4 dollar socks!

Of course, what about "buying American". Let me tell you, buying American now means buying Japanese. Toyota, yeah, numerous plants throughout America. Toyota is the new addition to the "Big 3" for American auto makers (we can just kick Daimler-Chrysler out...no one likes super-German names). Case-in-point for Toyota being the new "it" auto maker: They'll be entering NASCAR in a year or two. Nothing says American like Kobe Takayashi driving a Toyota while drinking sake and eating a bowl of rice.

Another reason not to buy "American": the big American manufacturers make their products in Mexico. Mexico. You know, the place where you can just drink the water and get 5 strains of salmonella. No, I say, buy Thailand...ian...ese. We should also buy Taiwanese so we can make that stable government, um, ours, through the imperialization of our ideals, and money.


I should point out though, we should give China the economic finger. I say we announce to the entire world that we're invading China, they'll never hear it since they censor everything America is about (which includes invading countries). After we do this, we'll re-name it America 2, but still pay the workers the same. We'll pay the workers the same because I'd like to continue buying the shoes made for 30 cents for $125. If we pay the workers more we might have to crack down on the poor CEOs of America, which would be the worst thing we could do.

Outsourcing has brought numerous gifts to America. We can now buy cheap, sell high, and get some primo opium if need be. Go outsourcing!