Ok, so I've started to think about this whole "evolution" thing. I'm not quite sure if I can believe it. If I were to believe it, what's the explanation for George Bush still being our president? Is he possibly the most fit, physically speaking? Well, if you take away good ole' TR, then yes, he probably is. He can probably run circles around TR's distant cousin, you know, that other Roosevelt. But, he really isn't that gifted of a public speaker. Just so happens that being a gifted public speaker is one of the most important things when it comes to being President. I'm not saying he's stupid all the time, but just about 75% of it. Seriously, you would've thought he would've been ousted by now, of course when he hears he's getting impeached he probably thinks he's going to a fruit cannery.
I'm also re-thinking Darwin because of a recent occurrence of events. Namely, the death of a few unlucky insects. Now, these deaths could be due to my lightning quick speed and strong crushing abilities, but I'm not quite sure about that. Let's go over the body count for the last week: 10 ants, 2 spiders, 2 flies, and 1 moth. One of those flies, I might point out, was killed with only a butter knife, which is pretty darn good if you ask me. But I couldn't help but wondering, how did these creations survive a period as long, if not longer, than the humans time on earth? Since Man we've seen the loss of mammoths and dodo birds, and yet these freaking insects stick around. Did they learn from the Chinese and realize there's strength in numbers (and from having land nobody wants)? How could I kill a fly, who has such good eyesight that if he were to watch a movie, he'd be able to see it frame by frame? I know I'm as stealthy as a ninja (since I am one) but...still.
While on my bug-killing escapades I've encountered this one type of ant, or some type of bug. It seems to favor water a lot, or at least cool damp places. While this means it is probably usually well hidden, it is probably the slowest moving legged bug I've ever encountered. Not only that, but it has the wussiest defense mechanism known to Man: A pincher, at it's hind parts. I won't even go into the excretory questions this raises for me. But seriously, how are you going to do anything with a pincher in the back? It doesn't curl over like a scorpion's stinger, it just waddles along with it, weighing it down. Darwin, how this thing survived even a decade is beyond me. If I find out this thing was around during the potato famine I'll know that evolution is a load of crap, because I know tons of Irishmen that would eat this thing for 10 bucks now, I can't imagine how many they'd eat if they were starving.
So, Darwin, I've officially debunked your cruel stranglehold on science. It's time to divert the schools attention from your lies and illogicality and go to something that makes sense, like Intelligent Design (it makes sense because no one knows what it really is). People, unite! Fight the Survival of the Fittest lie perpetuated to our school children. I've already got a mascot picked out
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