Dialogue 3: Moses and God

G: Moses! This is the Lord! You've upset me...again
M: What did I do oh great Lord?
G: Psshhh...I'm just messing with ya. Hey, so how's the exile thingy going?
M: Not so well. We've hit what you might call a "road block"
G: Spike strips? Barricades? Chariots?
M: No, try an entire sea. These directions you gave me basically suck
G: Bite me. Why don't you just part the sea?
M: Oh yeah, okay. Let me just raise my hands, put my staff in the middle and say Ala-Cazzam, Ala-Cazzoo, Britney Spears' legs do it enough, how 'bout you? [Dead Sea begins to part] Holy crap! [To the group] Yo! Guys! Check out what I just did! C'mon, let's get movin'!
G: Yeah sure Moses, you're welcome.
M: Oh yeah, thanks God! Hey, so where are we off to next?
G: A mountain. I'm going to give you some rules
M: Oh, BS! Geez, God, why do you have to be such a buzzkill? I just get done parting an entire sea and you want to give us rules. Man...
G: Ok...Moses, do you not see you're still in an entire sea and you're surrounded by water. I'd recommend shutting the crap up. I can get this water going again, mister
M: Fine fine fine...I'll go to the mountain and get some rules from you
[Time passes, people die due to lack of water and food, you know, the usual in a mass exodus]
Okay God, I'm at that mountain. Mt. Sine, right?
G: Hey, noob! I said SinAI. Sinai, not Sine! You want the one two mountains to the left
M: Eff! [Says to group] Okay guys, let's get this thing moving again. Mr. Omniscient didn't enunciate, we want Sinai, two mountains to the left. [2 days pass] Okay God, we're at SinAI, now what?
G: Go to the top
M: [Makes way to top of Mt. Sinai, sees 61.3 tablets sitting, inscribed with rules] This is 613 rules!
G: And?
M: And?! Don't you find that a bit...excessive?
G: You do have a point. Why don't you pick out the ten best, and just tell them those
M: Finally, we agree on something. So we only have to follow ten of these?
G: No, just tell them ten. All 613 would make a lot more than 5 books for you, and people don't like reading that much
M: Well, okay, I'll go tell them the 10 I chose. [Moses tells the Jews still in the Exile the 10 Commandments. They begin to party and worship a bull, or riot and say that these rules are bull, the story is unclear] Idiots! What are you doing?! God's gonna be pis --
G: Moses! What are your people doing?!
M: Hey, you chose them
G: That's it, just go into the desert 'til I figure out what to do with you
[Moses' wife, Nag-a, turns to him during the 23rd year of wandering in the desert]
N: Moses, couldn't you have asked that nice man 4 years back the way to Israel?
M: No, Nag-a, I told you, were not lost, I know where we're going
N: If you know where we're going, how come you keep looking at that map?
M: Nag-a, all you do is ask me stupid questions. I'm looking at the map just to verify that I'm a genius...I know exactly where we are [Thinks to self] Okay, so God, just sort of help me out here. Which left was I supposed to take anyways?
[After another 17 years of wandering the desert, Moses finally arrives just outside of Israel]
Guys, we made it! C'mon, let's run to the promised land! [Moses begins running, trips and hits his head on a rock, killing him before he ever gets to enter the homeland for his people]
M: (Now in heaven) God, why did you let me die before reaching the Promised Land?
G: Look, did I say run? No. You know my cardinal rule, take the easiest way out in the long-run. Is running the easy way out in the long run? Heck no. See, if you would've been lazy like me you could've been fine. Look at me! I run an entire universe and never get off my Lay-Z-God chair!
M: Well, you couldn't have moved the rock so I wouldn't trip?
G: I wanted to watch you fall, I thought it would be funny. How was I supposed to know there would be another one right at the spot for your head?
M: Oh, I don't know, maybe you should've known because your, umm...what is it again? Oh yeah...GOD!
G: Yeah, well, it was worth it. The look on your face when you fell. [Imitates confused and scared look] Oh man, priceless...
M: Yeah, glad I could help you out...[whispers] jerk
G: What was that?!
M: Wha? Nothin'. Geez, you're a paranoid little fella, huh?
G: Hey, noob, you want to try being God? It's a little tough, and people get kind of upset, these two guys, Leo and Loeb tried killing me just the other day for fun. So excuse me for a little paranoia...[whispers] idiot
M: What was that?

The conversation continues on as such for all eternity.