Dialogue 2: Isaac and God

I: God, I have some questions for you!
G: Isaac, I've been thinking...maybe you should ask this guy, Ken Jennings. He not only has his own board game out, but he won 72 straight games of this thing called Jeopardy
I: Riighht. So anyways, I've had a question in my mind for quite some time
G: Mm-hmm, g'head, shoot
I: Okay. I don't mean to sound greedy or anything, but can we make Israel just a tad bit bigger?
G: Why, you only have like 70 people in the tribe
I: I know, but how are we supposed to recruit with this little bit of land? The intrigue of finding out what the Dead Sea is all about is fading fast with the potential recruits
G: Did you try the "Chosen People" schtick?
I: I've tried everything. They won't bite unless they can move 500 cubits without going into their neighbor's yard
G: Tell you what. In a couple thousand years you can have this huge city called New York
I: Umm, why is it supposedly new? And does this city suck?
G: It's new because York kind of blew, so they went to this other area. And the city is a huge city, and pretty fun, provided you can get past the pee smell and seizure-causing lights
I: Hey, it has to be better than this hot crap-hole...er...I mean, deal. Hey, I've got another question I've been meaning to ask you
G: Go for it
I: What was the deal with me and the fire?
G: [Spits out drink] You and the what?
I: You know, the fire, sacrifice, you remember
G: [Thinks] Crap, if I told Abe once I told him a million times not to mention that.
I: Hello? God?!
G: Yeah yeah. Well, I explained it to your father a long long time ago. Basically, sarcasm wasn't exactly your father's forte
I: Okay, but why substitute me for a sheep? I mean, look at me! I was an attractive kid. I had a nice little tan, cute curly hair, little dimples...I was at least worth a cow!
G: Calm down. Remember, Honesty, Empathy, Respec --
I: O-Okay. But, seriously, don't you think thats sort of an undervaluing of your people?
G: Okay, Isaac, I've got a question for you. How come you always complain when we talk? Is it that hard to just be happy with what you got? So I've given you some hardships, big deal. You know the Chinese are working on this whole thing called Buddhism. You know what the first rule is for them? All life is suffering. Can you imagine how much I mess with them to get them to believe that?!
I: Firstly, were sort of busy solidifying our right to exist, so we don't exactly have time to take a gander at that right now. Secondly, who wants that depressing philosophy? I haven't even come close to that, and I'm a Jew!
G: I'm just saying, maybe you should take a look at other philosophies and ways of life
I: And I'm just saying maybe you should realize I'm worth a lot more than a sheep
G: Whatever. Hey, you still coming to my party this Friday?
I: I don't know, will I be up in time for temple?
G: If all goes well, no
I: G-man, you're crazy!
G: You know me IMac, party-hearty!
I: I'll see ya later man. [trails off] If all goes well, no. Hahaha...
G: Later Isaac. [Thinks] Whew...situation, handled. Dang you rule G-man!