How to become a good college student

This is a survival guide for students who don't know how to fit in within the college atmosphere. The proceeding guide will answer any difficult questions you may have.

The first thing you need to do is stop washing and cutting your hair. This is imperative, because as you enter the system of an adult world you must rebel against the laws of cleanliness which govern the world you're now a part of. It's also important, furthermore, that you wear clothes made from hemp rather than cotton because it's more...crappy.

If you're a woman you have an extra choice for your hair, however. You can cut it to be no longer than an inch at any spot. Any longer and you might be conforming, and college is all about doing what you want, like going to class and listening to a lecture for over an hour. You know, fun things like that.

You must also go out and grab a pack of cigarettes and smoke them everywhere you can. Remember, even though we share this world it is yours. If someone is standing in front of you when you need to exhale smoke, feel no pressure to hold it in. Just let it out, and let the smoke drift where it may. If the person doesn't like the smell of smoke they're just being selfish; they don't even bother to think about how much it bugs you, and you're around it all day.

Now you have class. The guide to surviving this is by asking pertinent questions. When a teacher assigns a reading response assignment you must ask what he wants, as if the title doesn't give it away. Also, during class time, you should ask the professor what his specialty is. This is important because no grade is guaranteed unless your nose is browner than tree bark. During discussions with classmates, further, you should correct the student when he/she is in fact right, as well as argue the issue at hand as if it actually matters to the world what you debate in your respective college's class.

Next comes the tough part, what to do between classes. Don't bother studying. Thats what sleeping time is for (the best study tip is to put the book on your head while you sleep so you can learn through osmosis). Instead of studying you should spend your time eating lunch, hanging around at the nearest park or outside gathering spot, and during either activity talking on your cell phone. You never know when you'll be able to again talk to the person you will see in your next class.

This concludes the survival guide to college. You will now do well at any urban or rural environment*

*Note: If at a rural environment your first priority is to party as much as possible without caring about your long-term or short-term health.