The real reasons behind my conversion

I've decided to write a blog that can hopefully more fully explain why I'm possibly converting to Judaism. This is a pretty big step in my life, so I'm taking it with the utmost seriousness.

First, I want to have a reason for why I think God hates me sometimes. As a Jew, I would be able to say it's not actual hate, it's that I'm one of God's chosen people. God gives the one he loves the hardest time out of the group. It's sort of like when you got those strange looks from your cousin (you know, the one from Arkansas). You knew, deep down, it wasn't that your cousin just wanted to have a good ol' southern time with his cousin; you knew you were his favorite cousin. It's definitely like that, except God wouldn't be from Arkansas...I think He's definitely from a more respected southern state, like the Florida panhandle.

Also, I'm thinking of converting because now, if I learn Hebrew, I can finally impress the ladies with a romantic language. Nothing says “Come hither” like hocking up a loogie when you say Chello. Plus, if I learn Hebrew, think of all the good use I could put it to; all the businessmen speak it. Not only that, but so many countries have it as their national language. I can't tell you how many times I've gone to a foreign country, or even a place within our own country and said to myself, “Man! If only I knew Hebrew, life would be so much easier!” I can't wait to interact with all these millions, maybe even billions, of people around the world.

Now, no conversion would be complete without stating the most obvious reason for conversion: the women. Just think, I can have my own Jewish woman. Someone to nag at me, to overly protect our child, and look hot while doing it. Yes, I'll have my own perfect woman, all because I converted to Judaism. If that's not incentive enough to convert to a religion I don't know what is.

So there you have it, my 3 main reasons for possibly converting to Judaism. I feel they're probably the most well thought out reasons for converting to any religion. I know you undoubtedly feel the same, which is why I feel comfortable sharing this with you.