Your career guide

I know there are many graduates and people in limbo about what careers they should have. In an effort to ease some fears, I have made a career guide for you based on your religion.

Catholic:

• Blue collar worker – Only applicable in the midwestern states of America

• Child molester – Years of seminary training and own parish required

• Child-bearer – For title you must have 4 kids or more

• Irish resistance fighter – Red hair and personal beer mug required

• Professional alcoholic – Irish preferred

• Crusader – Hatred of Islam required

Jew:

• Accountant

• Banker – Interest for gentiles only

• Doctor – Only available in California, Florida and New York

Mormon:

• Permanent missionary – Love of half-hearted letters and ability to indiscriminately spread religion to random people required

• Author of your own published journal – You could be the next Anne Frank, minus the oppression

• Genealogist – Six Degrees of Brigham Young

• Professional baby popper-outer

Muslim:

• Religious extremist – Ability to burn flags required

• Professional suicide bomber – One time only

• Oil tycoon – Must give back all fortunes to the West by buying European cars and Hollywood movies

Protestant:

• Televangelist – Must wrongly predict Armageddon at least once every 5 years

• Hate-monger – Hatred of Jews, Blacks, and Irish required. Love of Andrew Jackson preferred

• President – Must be white and Anglo-Saxon