Prove me wrong

I've determined I might be unfit for a romantic relationship. I'm a little bit stubborn, sometimes easily upset, and I often joke, dare I say, too much. All in all, I think I might be too complex for any woman on this earth.

I recently took part in a free compatability profile on a dating site. Apparently a system based on 28 fundamentals on a good relationship don't work for me. I got done with this rigorous 1 hour time waster, and it came back that out of a membership of literally millions, there's no match for me that's even close. They didn't even say sign up and we'll help you out. The site said, at the end, sometimes this system just doesn't work for people. It went on to read, "So get your confounding, screwed-up, lonely self back to nights in at home watching C-Span, geek!"

But, it's not just that that has shown me I'm completely incompatible with someone. I had a chance with a great girl once. I wasn't in love or anything, but it could've gotten there, I'm sure. She was beautiful, great personality, fun to be around, sarcastic, didn't smell and could get in and out of her house without the use of a forklift; she was all a guy could ask for. My problem? Well, out of all the problems to have with someone, I determined she was too nice. Yes, it turns out I need a mean, bossy girl. But, in my incompatible world, she can't be too bossy. No, she has to be nice sometimes, bossy at others. This combined with the need for her to have great hair puts me at a disadvantage. You can have one or two of those things, but not all three. Of course, I need all 3 in a woman. I'm picky. Yes, I'm picky, in a sea that probably has 2 fish for my choosing.

That's not the worst, however. As I've stated previously, I'm quick to get upset. This is great when you're arguing with a customer service employee, since you'll probably get free crap, but horrible in relationships. I don't even give people a chance anymore. If the "perfect" woman even gives me the slightest bit of attitude I don't like I'd likely give her an emotional slap in the face and walk off (note: emotional slap in the face means I'd make her feel really bad, then walk away as the victim, not hitting her). Dr. Phil sometimes asks his guests if they'd rather be right or happy. If I were on his show, I'd say I'd rather be right, because I am, and just be sort of content. Apparently this isn't the attitude for a winning relationship.

So, there it is. Why I'll be alone for quite some time, if not forever. Oh well, at least I'm cooler than everyone else.